Reflect and Nourish

Validating yourself is important for staying happy and healthy; in order to stay committed to our deepest aspirations, we need to believe in ourselves enough to stay true to ourselves, no matter what anyone may say. 

Yet, so many of us seem to struggle with seeking external validation from parents, peers, authority figures, and colleagues.

According to Psych Central, we all crave validation from others on some level. Yet, this validation-seeking behavior exists on a spectrum. If we seek the approval of others too much, it can become problematic.

So, how can we learn to validate ourselves?

In this post, I’ll share some steps you can take to validate your desires, emotions, and decisions in life. 

1. Engage in regular, honest self-reflection about once per week.

According to Life Skills That Matter. It’s important to schedule time on your calendar for self-reflection weekly. Doing so will help you make the reflection an ongoing part of your routine. When you do this often, you’ll gain more clarity on what you want.

To get the most out of your reflection, pick a location you feel relaxed in and set an intention for what specifically you want to reflect on. For instance, you could reflect on a desire, a challenge you want to overcome, or a change you want to make.

I also recommend picking specific reflection questions to guide your reflection process. Here is a list of questions provided by Day One App, a microjournaling platform.

When reflecting, pay attention to your thoughts, but pay particular attention to your feelings. Your feelings often provide more clarity than the jumble of thoughts in your head.

While it’s important to slow down and take your time during the self-reflection process, I recommend taking no longer than about an hour of reflection per session.

2. Accept and validate your emotions. Regularly check in with how you’re feeling.

It’s important to accept your emotional experiences for what they are without judging them or trying to change them, according to VeryWellMind. This does not mean that you ruminate on painful emotions; rather, you simply allow them to pass through you, letting go of any struggle or resistance to them.

Accepting your emotions is important because your feelings provide helpful information about what you should approach and what you should avoid. Therefore, allowing yourself to feel all of them will help you to extract the message behind each one.

3. Practice self-care.

When you take care of yourself in ways that feel good to you, you are essentially saying to yourself, “I am worthy of love.” According to Psych Central, practicing self-soothing techniques, like mindfulness meditation and yoga, can help you in your effort to validate yourself. 

They mention that practicing meditation can help increase self-control when making decisions that align with your authentic desires, such as setting healthy boundaries.

They also suggest positive affirmations as a helpful way to learn positive self-talk.

4. Write down your strengths and accomplishments.

Sometimes, we all need a little pick-me-up to remind ourselves of our value. By writing down a list of all of your strengths and accomplishments, and keeping them in a place where you’ll see it regularly, you can have something to refer to to remind you of your potential.

According to Chris Ducker from Youpreneur, stopping to savor your wins every now and then can give you that much needed boost to carry on with confidence. Ducker wrote that he keeps a “Jar of Awesome,” a jar full of sticky notes with his victories written on them.

Implementing a success-stash such as this one can give you the motivation you need to keep going whenever you feel a little low.

5. Make a long-term vision for your life and let it guide you when making decisions.

Having a vision for your life is essential to accomplishing what you want to achieve because it gives you a direction from which to act upon. After all, how can you know what to do if you don’t know where you’re going?

By defining what you want out of life, you will be validating your own goals and desires, and that is a very empowering action. 

To clarify, this doesn’t mean that you should derive your self-worth from your accomplishments or endeavors. Creating a vision also shouldn’t be something you obsess over to the point of feeling pressured to “figure everything out.”

Rather, your vision should simply serve as a guideline, and it should help you validate your dreams by allowing you to take an active role in what you choose to pursue.

According to the University of The People, having a vision adds focus to your life, sets expectations for your success, and delivers meaning and purpose to your daily activities. 

It also helps you know what goals to set along your journey, and it can help you overcome challenges when the going gets tough.

You may not know exactly what you want, and that’s ok, but it’s important to give yourself some sense of direction in regards to your goals.

If you want some guidance on creating a vision, check out my post on how to create a compelling vision board.

6. Follow your values and priorities in life.

According to MindTools, knowing your values is important because it helps you make better decisions for your life. They recommend thinking about the times in your life when you felt the happiest, proudest, most fulfilled, and determining which values contributed to those positive feelings.

Reflecting on this can give you a deeper understanding of your core values.

For more information on finding your values, check out my post on how to find your personal values.

By taking these steps towards deeper self-understanding, and taking calculated risks based on that understanding, you’ll have an easier time validating yourself. The more you understand and approve of yourself, the less you’ll feel the need to look to others for approval.